Whisky Tango

White Trash.
You've heard the term. You know what it means.
Have you ever spoken to someone fitting this title? Conversed for longer than it takes them to say "Welcome to Wal-Mart," to you?
I tend to avoid these people. In the semi-technical role I provide, I tend not to have to deal with many of them.
On occasions someone will mistakenly contact us, "I just bought this here juke-box offa Ebay and y'all didn't send me no CDs!"
"Sir, this is a company specializing in large scale IT solutions..."
"Wut-the-hell does EYE TEA mean?"

Anyway, I'm getting off track. Miracle of miracles, we have a poor soul trapped in a world in which we discuss things beyond NASCAR and chewing tobacco.
Yes, I have a White Trash co-worker. A quick note: White Trash (or WT) will mean the co-worker. When not capitalized then the term white trash will refer to the state of being and the people that comprise it.

I have so many pseudo-stories of WT, but nothing that merits a full post.
Essentially, I have many bricks of humor that I will use to build a wall.

First and foremost, WT openly admits to being brain damaged.
In his words, he "Went through the windshield one time and they had to take out part of my brain."
I have not reviewed his medical records, nor am I a medical practitioner. I have no reason to doubt his brain is not intact. Hell, that's not even the part that I'm focused on. What bothers me here is the fact that this is his excuse for EVERYTHING.
"WT, you just gave the client incorrect info!"
"Sorry, I'm missing part of my brain. Ya'see, one time I went through the windshield..."

"WT, you CANNOT state to a customer that you have no idea what you're doing and that they should work with another company!"
"Man...yeah. I wouldn'ta were it not for one time I went through the windshield..."

"WT, you just pissed yourself while trying to read the label on that can of soda!"
"Missing part of my brain makes doing 2 things hard for me..."

I can understand when someone has a disability. Be it a learning disability, be it
a physical handicap. This is normal. Sometimes you have to work in specific ways with stroke victims or others that have been impaired.
On the other hand, you have some people that seem to think that their injury gives them the freedom to do as they please. It's never ending the things this guy attempts to get away with!

"I need to be out of work at 3PM today. I'm supposed to buy this guy's puppy."
"Um...no. WT, you know your schedule, why would you think it's ok to just decide to schedule something during your working hours?"
"Well, I was talkin' to this guy last night and he says he HAS-TA get rid-a this puppy TODAY. So I says, yeah, I can get over there and all. With that dog bein' on the line all my work info went out my mind! See, I lost part of my brain...."

*Ahem* Yeah. It's like that. And by "like that" I mean it's like a big gulp with a NASCAR driver on it filled with Natural Light beer and chewing tobacco.

This man is a string of stupid being dragged behind a short bus.
While speaking to a senior technical assistant, a man who is very well versed not only in the technical arts but also no slouch when it comes to vocabulary, WT was heard to remark, "I hear what you're saying, but I'm finding some 'CONFLICTING' information. See, conflicting is when you have one thing that says somethin' and then you have somethin' else that says somethin'. That's what you're doin' now, you're conflictin' the information I got."

I sit next to Dudette. She lost her grip here. She can generally go a whole day without laughing out loud at this guy. This had her rolling.
Truly, WT has a wide vocabulary.

Later that week, WT was again consulting the senior tech. This is normal. He consults a senior tech everytime he has a case.
After speaking with the senior tech for hours to determine that PoE (Power over Ethernet) means that electricity (e.g., POWER) is provided to a device over the network cable (e.g., ETHERNET), WT was heard to remark to a co-worker:
"In six months time, I'm going to have [the senior tech] job."

I can only assume that in six months he will have completed his remidial reading course at the adult learning annex. The concept of him being a senior tech is as baffling as the concept of a dog explaining Euclidean geometry to me... while it's flying the shuttle. Truly, were WT to ever be capable of being a senior tech, the end of days would surely be upon us.

All banter aside, WT really has done the best job in summing himself up.
A co-worker says to him, "Did you ever read Where the Red Fern Grows?"
"No, I don't read."

Yes. That's correct. He doesn't read.
Color me shocked!
He went on to state that he CAN read, but chooses not to.
I remain skeptical.