They are all out to get me.

Today's edition of "I Don't Think that Word Means What You Think it Means" is brought to you by the Noid.

As many people have learned, in this our current economic environment, it is very difficult to actually get fired. Being annoying is not enough. Being perpetually late is not enough. Not knowing your phone from a screw driver is not enough. Although the last example does make for some interesting conversations with your doctor.

I have met a man who is able to push the limits of acceptable work place behavior. I do not speak of the person who shout out "Kevin's favorite sin is sodomy" across to office. I do not speak of the woman who asks of you are in an open marriage. I speak of the Noid.

The Noid is in no way a quiet man. Nor is he small, nor is he timid. He is loud, large, and obnoxious. He has only limited social skills, mostly centered around online video games. He does however know what he is talking about while he is on a phone. This is the rare case where I will speak of someone who is only left in there job because they do there job well.

When he is off the phone. He likes to talk. Mostly he talks about how everyone is out to get him. Endlessly he speaks of the outrages against him.How every move he makes is scrutinized. That every sound he makes is recorded. The Noid will endlessly complain about how hard it is to be in his position with all of the problems being forced onto him.

He likes to joke that he must be paranoid. since he thinks that everyone is out to get him. Paranoia means you have delusions of persecution. If you cause the persecution, it isn't paranoia.

One of the larger complaints of the Noid is that he was told to tell a manager when he was going to unscheduled break. He decided that this means yelling at the manager every time he used his time card. Show up to work? Yell at the manager. Take your first break? Yell at the manager. Come back from break? Yell at the manager. Go to lunch? Yell at the manager.come back from break? Yell at the manager. go to the scheduled meeting? Yell at the manager. Etc.

When the Noid asked if there was anything he could do to work towards being a manager, he was told that he could work on his attitude. For this he responds by shouting that he isn't complaining. Not directly in response of course. No this is what he does once he has told his story. "I was told that I am not allowed to complain anymore. It brings down moral. Everyone else is allowed to complain but me. And that is just stupid. I mean, I am not complaining now. Hear that boss? I am not complaining!"

Some have even told him what is wrong with this. "You may want to lay low for a while, you are pissing off the higher ups. letting them know when you aren't complaining really doesn't help your case." "O, but it does!" responded the Noid. "I am going to do exactly what they told me to do. That way they can't do anything about it."

Little does he know, what he is doing is not exactly what they told him to do. No one told him to be a prick. No one told him to shout out his every action. And yes, they are watching you. Every time you yell, every time you complain about complaining, every time you accuse them of being out to get you, you anger them a little more. You aren't letting them ignore you.

Here is to you Noid. Going that extra mile to get your ass fired.