Tard Science Part 1: The Theory of Relative Idiocy

Many times I found my self wondering if there is an all encompassing source of stupidity in the universe. Dedicating innumerable hours to this quandary I’ve come up with the following theory:

ABSTRACT

The Theory of Relative Idiocy concludes that stupidity is a physical substance and thusly has mass and mass provides stupidity gravitation influence on the matter, gas and energies surrounding it. This mass also allows large quantities of stupidity to effect the constants of space and time intersecting said stupidity though out the universe. Furthermore molecular stupidity (ID₁₀T) exhibits characteristics of magnetism repelling normal matter and attracting more stupidity.

SECTION 1: The effect of cumulative stupidity on its self.

As stupidity accumulates due to its inherent attraction to its self the mass it exhibits increases as it does so it rapidly accelerates the accumulation of stupid-matter, this process is known as a Comic-Con. As Comic-Cons are allowed to naturally progress several independent bodies of stupidity coalesce this process generates a unique sound that can only be described as the angry screeching of post lobotomy test monkeys.

Eventually stupidity reaches a critical mass; the sheer gravity generated by the compressing stupidity causes it to collapse in on its self thus creating a Big Stupid Singularity. Once a Big Stupid Singularity is formed stupid-matter loses it magnetic properties and begins to suck in matter of all types, there are several classifications of Big Stupid Singularities the most common examples are: Evangelists, Politicians, Cult Leaders, people that argue on the Internet, etc.

As Big Stupid Singularities suck in more stupid-matter and other things like gullible people their mass and gravitational pull increases drawing Big Stupid Singularities together. Eventually they will be locked into each others orbit, swirling ever closer to an inevitably collision. When two or more Big Stupid Singularities of sufficient size collide a new phenomenon is created: a Super-massive Asshole.

SECTION 2: The Pinnacle of Stupidity: Super-massive Assholes.

Super-massive Assholes are subject to the same classifications as Big Stupid Singularities however Super-massive Assholes also transcend classification they are the individuals within these groups that stand out in a way that resembles the complete destruction of everything and everyone you love.

Super-Massive Assholes represent the conclusion of our species, as we slowly spiral into the galactic blender of stupidity that they are time will begin to dilate and our excruciating death will be infinitely slow. This is why consequently talking to a retard seems to last forever.

IN CONCLUSION

So then next time you find your self in the presence of someone that is in danger of collapsing into a Big Stupid Singularity, do your self and everyone else in the galaxy a favor and beat them with the business end of a chain saw, it wont counter the damage already done but it will slow our inevitable end and probably, if you’re anything like me; make you feel so much better.

Also Post Lobotomy Test Monkeys would be an awesome name for a punk band.