Tard Tech: Wolf and Winter Cold

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Wolf and Winter Cold

I ended up cleaning part of the database today and came across an email address of leonidas@[company withheld].com
It was not long after that I imagined this exchange:

Subject: Earth and Water
From: messenger@persia.com
To: leonidas@[company withheld].com

Leonidas,

All King Xerxes asks is earth and water. Your position and the men that are below you may end up in a very bad position if you do not act quickly on this. We have a deadline here! Xerxes needs you to get everything together and respond in a timely manner. When you have your response ready be sure to attach the earthandwater document and CC your response to xerxes@persia.com. Be careful in how you word your response and how quickly you act on it. It could be your last email in your position!
-Persian Messenger

Subject: Re:Earth and Water
From: leonidas@[company withheld].com
To: messenger@persia.com

Persian,
THIS IS SPARTA!!!
-Leonidas

File Attached: kickedintoawell.exe

Yeah, I paraphrased the dialog. This idea was a weak one to begin with. I laughed anyway.

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About this blog

This blog is an outlet for us, a circus for you.
We're a group of like minded individuals that work in a call center environment doing outsourced product, licensing, and contract support for a very large IT solutions group.
While each of us works for various teams and technology groups we face the same trials and tests daily. Customers that want the impossible, clients that don't understand their own game, and (most commonly) co-workers the likes of which should not be allowed into polite society.
For you, Dear Reader, we will suffer and endure. Our stories will be here to lighten your day and to illustrate that you do not suffer alone through the working world.
While we will focus on the foolish acts of our co-workers and management there will still be stories of customer stupidity as well. We won't just stop there, however. I mean, after all, we comprise a roll that some of you may have had at one point or another.

IT and technical humor? We got that.
Call center fiascoes? Yes, sir.
Geek-talk and nerd-gasms? Is Hoth cold?

Our tales of failure will stretch far and wide. We will paint a picture for your chuckling and will be back later to give you more. All we ask, Dear Reader, is that you laugh when we cannot, mock when our lips are sealed, and express the very emotions we cannot directly. Sit with us and hear our woes and we will see that you leave with a smile.

Who we are. What we do.

Fieldtrip Chaperon is a 20-something-year-old male with anger issues. Crazy about Linux and subcultural interests, he feels that few people understand him. This only helps to fuel his rage.
He also sews stuffed animals.

Goodall, Tardalogist is a denizen of the inner-city section of Tardopolis. Living with the Tards in their natural habitat enables him to bring insights and understanding of the low functioning to the above 40 IQ populace of the rest of the world.

Bakers Dozen. Once a super hero of little renown. Now, a bus driver. Quietly piloting his field trip to the apropriate destination. What is this destination? That is not for you to know. It is only for you to get off the ride before you are consumed.

Anon Emous® is a prescription medication approved for the treatment of seasonal and perennial tardology symptoms in adults and children 2 years of age and older. Talk to your doctor or health care professional to see whether Anon Emous® is right for you or your child. Side effects were generally severe and included brain hemorrhage, viral infection, down syndrome, nosebleeds, and paranoia.

Tard Tech

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Wolf and Winter Cold

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About this blog

Who we are. What we do.

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